Pat Withner
Patricia (Maxwell) Withner who was 95 years old September 13th died at her home of 7 years, Stafholt Good Samaritan Center, in Blaine, WA from causes related to a stroke she suffered February 14th, 2002. She lived the last chapter of her life with enormous grace and perseverance, despite her disabilities.
Pat was born in 1917 in Portland, Oregon to Leslie Carl Maxwell and Brenda (d’Almeida Felloes) Maxwell, moving as a youngster to Evansville, Indiana where her brother Robert was born. She was graduated there from Bosse H.S with honors in 1935, being voted most witty and most likely to succeed by her class, and noted to be in everything (drama, dance chorus, travel club, newspaper staff, honors society and girl’s club), and able to make friends with anyone. Pat obtained a B.A. from the University of Illinois in 1940 and was graduated summa cum laude. She also met a nice fellow in German class and on June 4, 1941 she was married to Carl Withner Jr. in Vincennes, Indiana. They were married for 70 years until his death February 8th earlier this year, and lived life fully with great joie de vivre, experiencing and accomplishing more than many would in several lifetimes.
They lived primarily in Brooklyn, NY until retiring and moving to Bellingham, WA in 1979. Pat was a devoted daughter, homemaker, wife and mother. She was always cooking and baking, mending and sewing, canning and preserving, or otherwise keeping house in a fashion colored by growing up in a small town during the Depression. Pat’s editorial prowess and organizational skills were the supportive force behind Carl, allowing him the freedom and assistance to be creative and tremendously productive. She was the good woman behind her man.
Pat and Carl were very social and had frequent engagements with friends. They gave a good party. They also frequently attended movies, plays, ballets, concerts, and orchid society functions. They changed and grew with the times. Pat and Carl had 3 children, Dennis (spouse Karen), Rika, and Holly (spouse Gerry). Pat was gratified and very excited to finally at the age of 76 become a grandmother to Holly and Gerry’s child, Jenna. Pat was also grandmother to Dennis’ step-children Tawnya and Todd. She was predeceased by her husband Carl, her parents, and her younger brother Bob, and is survived by her children, their spouses, her 3 grandchildren, 3 great grandchildren, and 7 nieces and nephews.
Pat was a consummate reader, correspondent (300-400 letters per year - but who’s counting?), list maker, general lover of the English language, and a stickler for details. She was known to write the editor of the N.Y. Times to point out grammatical or spelling errors, and would even do this with personal correspondence. Before and during college, and again after raising a family, Pat was employed as a proofreader, reporter, researcher, secretarial assistant and editorial writer at the Evansville Star, Brooklyn College, and Pratt Institute among others. She was integral to Carl’s writing of numerous books and publications. Pat produced a yearly Christmas letter with artwork, as well as providing handmade cards with original poems for birthdays and other occasions.
Pat was a classy lady, and a great friend to many and varied people of all ages, and she kept in touch the old-fashioned way, in person, by mail, or less frequently by phone. She was kind, and shared her time with others, as a volunteer for 16 years at St. Francis SNF reading to residents, as a museum Docent, and as a participant with the Bellingham Senior Center. She supported by donations, animal shelters and humane societies, the arts, the food bank and others.
Pat traveled the world extensively in support of Carl’s life work in orchids (Central and S. America, Mexico, Japan, Europe, and the Caribbean), as well as for research into her family’s history in England, Portugal, Singapore and Australia. They also researched Withner genealogy in England, Germany and the Midwest. Summers often included family tent camping with the station wagon packed high, and visits to family in Indiana. She traveled to Portland, Oregon to visit, and later to assist her mother, Brenda, and to Alaska to see her new grandaughter. She loved meeting people and having new experiences. At the age of 65, after moving to Bellingham with Carl, she took up scuba diving, with reason for further travel to tropical locations, as well as Barkley Sound in British Columbia. Pat completed 200 dives, her final dive being celebrated with a champagne dousing.
Pat’s other interests included the decorative arts, architecture, world cuisine and the culinary arts, costumes, jewelry, drama (especially period dramas of Victorian England), children’s literature, crossword puzzles (only the NY Times), and anything related to cats. Pat had a plaque which read, “Only dull women have clean houses”, but she took pride in her appearance and was fond of bright colors, especially turquoise, purple and red. She enjoyed wearing textiles and jewelry acquired during her travels.
Her family has missed her tremendously while she was alive the last ten years due to her inability to speak or write since her stroke, though she communicated in person in her own way. We will continue to miss now her presence, but are accepting that she fought the good fight, and is now at peace. In accordance with her wishes she will be cremated and no services are planned. The family wishes to extend special thanks to her caregivers at Stafholt for their loving care over the years, to volunteers who read to her, to friends who visited though it was difficult, and to friends who continued to send cards even though she could not reply.
In lieu of flowers, donations may be made to any of her favorite charities.
Memories
From Patricia and L…
Beautiful write up for a beautiful lady. Pat's influence on my life has been from profound to trivial as my daily dive into the Times crossword and blog illustrates. I will never forget the good times on Royce Street and the good talks in the kitchen. Good company, loyal friend. I will miss her and am thankful that I knew her.
From Dennis Withner
A Problem w/ getting old: Wife Karen recently related an event that happened with mom one evening back in the late 90's, while the folks were still functional and living in Bellingham. Pat went to retrieved her old address book to look to look up someone back on the east coast. She came back into the room, put the book on the table said, matter of factly, "they're all dead". The song goes "only the good die young". I think it's more a matter of when you die old, there's hardly anyone left alive that knew you and will remember your worth. When it came to death, mom was ever the pragmatist. She would say with emphasis on the last word, "people don't pass away, they die". She had also been a member of the Hemlock Society, but never indicated any desire to check out earlier than nature dictated. Quite the opposite it would seem. Even in the confines of a nursing home and her damaged body she kept herself busy and interacted socially. She was a favorite of much of the staff at her nursing home. I asked her on her death bed if she was at peace, and she nodded yes. Let us see your recollections here, Dennis W
From Patricia Harding
My life is fuller having known them both. Thank you for sharing them.
From John Withner
Dennis, Karen et al,
I have searched for the right thing(s) to say and found myself at a loss for words. And of course words covey so little when the heart feels so much.
There are certain things that always make me think of Aunt Pat. A Christmas letter from someone or the NY Times crossword puzzle are just a couple such examples that will evoke a memory that leads me into a conversation with someone about my Aunt Pat and her diligence in these and other hobbies. She did so much over her lifetime and led a long, full life. What a remarkable lady.
I also think it is important that you know this; your efforts in taking care of Pat (and Carl) over the years is nothing short of amazing. The time, commitment, effort and love that you displayed is an example that should be followed by all.
We will keep all of you in our prayers.
Love, Cuz John & Linda
From Marilyn Burritt
Although I have not seen Pat in many years (not since been hospitalized) I have always had her in my thoughts. I know my mother Diana Burritt (passed away Mar 2010) always talked about her and Carl. I know that I have many memories of her and Carl, meetings, shows and trips that we went on. She will be missed. May she now be reunited with Carl. I know and understand the sorrow you and all your family are going though. I still miss my mother.
From Andie Withner
Aunt Pat- An "always in my life" person...memories of Aunt Pat and Uncle Carl fro the beginning of my memories. In Grandma's garden, reading together, playing with the cousins. Loved her sardonic smile and powers of observation. She sent me wonderful cards over the years. Cats as mentioned in a prior remembrance and Alice in Wonderland- a favorite of mine. Her letters were something to look forward to- her wit gave cause to smile. She was a tough one- ahead of her time. And I have the amazing memory of diving with her, Dennis, and Karen. It doesn't get any better than that.
Love always, Andie
From Karen Withner
Today Dennis and I went up to the nursing home in Blaine that cared for Pat for the last almost 7 years and it actually felt pretty therapeutic. Over the last while we had also gotten to know many of the other residents, care givers and staff and we were pleasantly surprised that they were happy to see us. Kind of like going home in a way. The staff at Stafholt needed to be commended on the loving care they gave to Pat, it is a job that is so seldom rewarded. We took a few cans of ginger cookies to the staff we knew the best and a couple of huge cookie trays from Costco to show our gratitude of the hard work they do. It has been a long haul caring for Pat and Carl over the last 10 plus years but it became part of who we are. Dennis and I almost don't know what to do on our weekend mornings now. We had gotten into a routine of going and seeing Pat and telling her of our week and any news that we might have to share. She always would tilt her head or smile or make a sad face so we knew that she liked to keep up with the goings on of the family and friends. We are sad she is gone, we will miss her. We also got to spend alot of quality time with Holly as she came down to see the folks more often and would spend time with us as well. I joined the family in 1986 but feel like I knew the family from day one after Pat gave me about 20 years of her diaries to read to bring me up to speed on the Withner clan. What a life she and Carl led, somebody needs to write a biography, it would be a best seller for sure. Pat was my dive buddy for many of our tropical trips and was always a pleasure to travel with. I could go on and on singing her praises but anyone who knew her knows what a special lady she was. One of the best things that I personally got from Pat and Carl was my husband Dennis, he is one of the best things that ever happened to me. A grateful daughter-in-law, Karen Withner
From Nancy and John Kaye
I miss her. We met Pat and Carl through Holly. They came to our wedding 30 yrs ago, fellow New Yorkers. Yes those dinners and parties were wonderful. I always described Pat as the best read woman I know. She always listened to the stories and happenings when visiting, her facial expressions telling pages of unspoken words. A very special woman, a local and international treasure. I'm so glad to have known her. I loved her and I told her so.
From Sebastian Hirsch
I all the time emailed this webpage post page to all my friends, as if
like to read it then my links will too.
From Dennis Withner
Interesting that the wife of a famous person, who participated, helped organize and acted as social director and corespondent for much of what went on in said famous person's working life, and in my parents' case, copy editor, gets such little comparitively recognition in the end. Of course, many who might have commented did not outlive them.
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